- Do you ever sit there and look at your child and wonder what they will grow up to be like? what their personality will be like?
- what will they achieve and how successful will they be?
- how content and happy they will be mentally and physically?
The answer is simple, the way you communicate with them is exactly who/what they will become. Its time for us to realize that the way we talk to our children is what becomes their inner voice . We are who shapes their lives!
Although it’s hard to not yell when your child just does not cooperate regardless of how many times you’ve had that same old conversation. Or, it could be that your son/daughter just never cleans their rooms as you have ordered, or it could be that you have had a certain expectation for your child that they have not met yet, it could be ANYTHING! and am sure there’s been a million times where you’ve just lost your rag at your child when really it was unnecessary – I know I have!
We have huge affect on their psych which plays a big part in their mental health, it’s very hard to continuously be aware of what you are saying to your child as everyday as a parent is a new challenge and experience, however there are certain things we can do and try to remember that will encourage us to speak and react in a more positive manner.
LOVE & DISCIPLINE
Many of us are under the impression that discipline means yelling at your child in the hope for things to get better, truth is that the feeling of love and acceptance is what leads a child to cooperate. E.g your son gets himself into a serious trouble , you are furious, not happy at al, you are yelling and making clear of your feelings and that is fine, it’s the most normal reaction expected of any parent but once you’ve had your moment just flip reverse it I promise you will be surprised at the results. Calmly stating that if he is struggling you are always there for him, you didn’t expect what he had just done but you still love him and are proud of him for learning from this mistake. This positive reaction will influence him to think twice about making the same mistake again and will also create a solid trust between you and your son and will make him feel secure and accepted by you.
THROW AWAY THE WORD NAUGHTY
You’re naughty! stop being naughty! so and so isn’t naughty like you? naughty! naughty! naughty! Yea, so the way you just felt reading that is how they feel and that is exactly what they believe themselves to be……. WE NEED TO STOP!
There isn’t a child that wont act up, no toddler that wont be annoying as hell, no teenager that isn’t willing to take risks. Things happen and its a part of life and a part of a child’s various transitions, we can’t stop them but we can control them by practicing positive discipline and teaching them what is and isn’t acceptable in a respectable manner, we should never insult, belittle or humiliate and just sometimes we do this but we simply do not realise. I noticed as parents we are quick to use words like “you’re naughty” “you’re bad” “silly” “stupid” etc.
We must remember to label the act and not label the child and they must see this also! e.g. you’re daughter stole something what she did was stupid as she is a very clever girl and knows better than to do this again, you love her and are always there for her….. that is what she should hear from you.
FILTER YOUR WORDS
Regretful words. You can’t take them back, words that impact your child mentally, you can’t take them back, they will stick and keep playing like a broken record!
Now am not saying to not ever raise your tone – if you’re a parent you’ll understand why, but, what am saying is we should try to get into the habit of biting our tongue before using certain words or a certain tone. If we continuously remind ourselves of the impact we have on our children’s physic we will subconsciously be aware of what we are about to say in the heat of the moment and heck, if we do turn into a monster for a minute we should correct ourselves or even apologise, I belive that will only teach them to be responsible and be strong enough to accept consequences of their actions.
No parent rivalry is not a myth it’s in every parents DNA just on different levels. Any parent just wants their child to be the best but we forget our child is the best already because they are who they are. However we focus on another child’s “best” according to someone else’s expectations and to be frank that is nonsense.
The number one destroyer of a child’s confidence and belief in themselves is when they are continuously compared to someone else. The key here is to make the child believe he/she is the best version of themselves and that we love and appreciate who they are.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU
Tell them you love them everyday, good day, bad day whatever the weather tell them you love them show them you love them everyday. Lend them a listening ear and big warm hug everyday.
I am not a parenting expert these are just my views and opinions on this topic and I wrote this based on my parenting beliefs and techniques. What do you think? Do you think these points could have an impact in our children in the long-term, I’d love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment below.
Love & peace to you all,